CHAPTER 36
I don’t seem to understand Felix anymore. He looks totally different from what I had presumed him to be. The man whom I loved in the past was a better man who had good morals and behaviour. It amazes me to the point that I felt like his soul was switched and he now has the soul of a devil.
I’m shocked on how I never sense any of his ill behaviour in the past. Maybe he was pretending then and now is his true self, because he kept saying and doing hurtful things without feeling any form of remorse.
“Thank goodness, we didn’t get married. I would have been married to the devil unaware,” I said as I tucked the kids to sleep.
I looked at the kids and really felt pity for them. They had a puffy face from all the crying in the evening. The kids are getting more matured everyday and now they are even being protective of me. I won’t fail to always be grateful for the gift of them. I’m really lucky to have them.
It seems the heavens knows all about the future challenges and pains I would face, and decided to gift them to me so that I would be able to overcome and stand tall even at the brim of death.
I think they are so unlucky to have me as their mother. These sweet and innocent kids deserved better. They grew up without a father’s love and care. The only man whom they had loved so much and looked forward to having as a father and who was actually their father but surrounded under the worst and unimaginable circumstances ever.Nôvel(D)rama.Org's content.
It’s already unfair that I’m their mother but Nathan being their father, that’s too cruel. That’s the more reason why I have to fight whatever feeling I have for him; maybe its love or pity, stop him from coming close to the kids and have the kids forget about him completely.
I’m trying to stay strong but my emotions keeps getting the best of me. I have made my pillow a crying buddy because I’m always unable to sleep till after midnight and I wake up at the early hours of the day, probably only getting four hours of sleep.
I have also seeked the help of a therapist but it’s not helping. “Maybe I need to go see her again before I develop severe depression.” I thought as I walked out of the kids’ room and shut the door quietly to prevent them from waking up because they needed all the sleep they could get. They really had a tough day.
“Should I go back to Rome like mother had suggested?” I muttered while crying silently as I headed to my room. That might really help. It might help me and the kids forget about Nathan and prevent me from seeing Felix.
I’m grateful for all his help; he has always been there for me and the kids, trying to cheer us up and make us feel better but that’s all, trying to initiate any kind of relationship isn’t going to work.
Seeing Felix these days gets me annoyed, he is so obsessed with me. I’m not really comfortable with having him around because he can’t seem to communicate with me without trying to touch and create some kind of sexual intimacy between us, of which I have always avoided. He must have been really hopeful that I was going to get back with him after breaking up with Nathan.
“Felix.”
“Felix.”
“Felix, I have a lot on my plate already. Why are you adding to it? Why can’t just get lost already and let me be”, I screamed out loud.
Speaking of Felix, I wonder how he always finds out about where I am, he seems to be keeping a tab on me. He’d always show up in front of me no matter where I am.
I still wonder how he figured out I would be in London in all of the cities in Europe. Mother and Vanessa are the only two who knows about my stay in London and I trust they’d never tell him about it, given the circumstances of our separation.
I picked up my phone to put a call across to mom and Vanessa. I just have to ask tho if they had told Felix about my whereabouts. I could swear he had a snitch on me that keeps telling him about me, because he does seem like he knows everything about me.
“Hey, mom,” I said over the phone trying to sound my best, so you could be rest assured I’m fine even when I’m not.
“Hello, Judith. How are you and the kids doing?” She asked and we exchanged pleasantries.
“Mom, I have something to ask you about. Have you ever told Felix about my stay in London?”
“No, I’d never do that. He will never have the gut the show up in front of me,” she spat angrily, it seems just the mention of his name pisses her off already.
“Okay, mom,” we discussed about other things and she gave me some words of encouragement before finally ending the call.
“Noooo, I never even saw or spoke with him since your wedding crashed. Have you forgotten you’ve always been the one telling me about him,” Van also said over the phone.
The response I got from both Vanessa and mom, gave me the assurance that he must have been stalking me. I became afraid within myself.
“How can he be so obsessed with me,” I whispered in cold shivers, imagining the worse case scenario that could result from his obsession obviously sure it can never be something good.
I really need to get him far away from the kids and I before he becomes more desperate and takes a drastic step. The way he was shouting and shooting daggers at me earlier today tells me that he can do anything to make me get back with him.
“I would have gone to the police to report him but I don’t even have any concrete evidence to prove it.” I lamented bitterly as I kept thinking of the best way to deal with it as fast as possible.
“My kids should never be caught up in this messy situation. I should protect them no matter what.” I reassured, as I laid on the bed before finally drifting off to get some sleep.